Why Elizabeth Edwards mattered to so many of us

I left work a bit early today because I was fighting flu symptoms. Truth be told, I was also an emotional wreck.

Learning that Elizabeth Edwards had died put me in a tailspin.

A few years ago I read her 2006 book Saving Graces, in which she wrote about everything from the tragic death of her 16 year old son to her battle with cancer and a sort of foreword on health care reform that was central to husband John Edward's 2008 presidential campaign.   That book spoke so much about her resilient character and of how her husband was her rock and soul mate.. etc. etc..(ultimately, it was SUCH a love letter to him.)

You came away thinking, "Wow, she suffered the worst loss (of a child) anyone can suffer, and then cancer, and a presidential bid, and yet their marriage is strong enough to endure..how admirable"   Of course, as news later unfolded, her husband was none of that. Not only did he cheat on her, but had a child with the baby Mama...In her last year, Elizabeth had to separate from her husband of 30 plus years, probably just to save face with the public. And her cancer never really went away.

Even though EE made it clear that she did not what anyone's sympathy, I could not help but feel painfully sorry for her. I wonder why her life (and death) resonates with me and realize I, like other working women/wives/moms out there, related to her in SO many ways:

on losing a loved one:
I lost a dear friend, Jason, just after college. He was 21, a beautiful, loving, and super smart guy, and fell to his death in a random hiking accident. There are no words... I was lucky enough to become close friends with his mother, who I believe was kindred spirits with EE. Marcia mourned but then turned her life into a vehicle for caring for others...She is one of the most positive and hopeful people I know. After I had my own kids and could not imagine overcoming a loss like that, I only grew more respect for her.

on having a career:
EE was one of my generation's role models of a woman who did it all. She practiced as a lawyer, had two kids (and then two more), started a foundation after her kid died, and (loyally) supported an ambitious husband. She championed healthcare reform and cancer awareness. A working woman who balanced passion and life. That is so tough to do.

on having a family:
After she lost her beloved son, EE later went on to have two more kids at 48 and 50.. to think about the fact that she now leaves them (her daughter Cate is in her late 20s and her younger kids are around 12 and 10..) is something that all mothers dread. To leave your kids before you are done (and before they are grown)... unimaginable. And yet, somehow I think EE, super-mom, has prepared them for her departure. When I stop to consider how I would handle such a scenario, I have no idea. Only admiration.

The part about EE surviving her husband's infidelity and knowing he had another child. Too. freaking. sad. Can't even go there.

I read an interview EE did with Newsweek's Jonathan Alter and she was discussing her cancer, her son's death and her faith. She said:

“I’m not praying for God to save me from cancer. God will enlighten me when the time comes. And if I’ve done the right thing, I will be enlightened. And if I believe, I’ll be saved. And that’s all he promises me.” But did she believe? Here she went further than any public figure this side of Christopher Hitchens.


“I had to think about a God who would not save my son. Wade was—and I have lots of evidence; it’s not just his mother saying it—a gentle and good boy. He reached out to people who were misfits and outcasts all the time. He could not stand for people to say nasty things about other people; he just didn’t want it. For a 16-year-old boy, he was really extraordinary in this regard. I wish I could take credit for it, but I can’t. You’d think that if God was going to protect somebody, he’d protect that boy. But not only did he not protect him, the wind blew him from the road. The hand of God blew him from the road. So I had to think, What kind of God do I have that doesn’t intervene—in fact, may even participate—in the death of this good boy?”
 
For EE's sake, I hope that in whatever version her heaven is, she will be greeted at the gates by her dear boy.